We must come to face our style of relating, of course. As men, we look to where we are passive, and where we are domineering or harsh or violent. As women, we face where we are controlling, and where we are desperately clingy. And as God reveals these things, we make those thousand little choices to turn from our style of relating. We make deliberate choices to love. If you avoid conflict either as a passive man or a controlling woman, then you say, “Conflict is okay. Let’s talk about these things. I’ll go there with you.” If you have been avoiding intimacy, then you say, “I need you. I don’t want to be this island, this impenetrable fortress. I choose to engage.” If it’s controlling, I let go of control. If it’s hiding, I come out of hiding. If it’s anger, I set my anger aside and I choose to be vulnerable.

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